How not to injure the psyche of the child in a divorce
Divorce carries a lot of negative emotions. When divorcing spouses often acquire an inferiority complex, their self-esteem drops and so on. But in comparison with this, a child, divorce of parents, receives a portion of negative emotions several times more.
All this negativity that accumulates in the memory of a child, may not go unnoticed and will definitely affect the child’s behaviour, both in early childhood and in adult life.
Absolutely avoid the negative emotions of the child, is unlikely to happen, but best to smooth them completely in your power. This is necessary to ensure that the child is entering adulthood, was not afraid of marriage, birth and other important factors, which may affect the divorce on the negative side.
Who and how should I tell my child about divorce
First of all I want to say that the silence in this situation is not highly relevant, as well as the concealment of facts. Child is required to announce the divorce, it is better in the early period.
This is justified by the fact that the child at the time of your pre drawbridges skirmishes and scandals usually left alone with his thoughts. And this leads to the development of poor emotional and mental areas.
To tell a child about an impending divorce should be in a celestial atmosphere in the community two parents. In no event it is impossible to tell the child that one of his parents, “suddenly somehow became bad” and so on. The kid should feel the attention and care of both parents. The same should explain to him that parents as before and remain a child no one loses, and just maybe you will rarely see someone.
If you are unable to create the proper atmosphere on your own, you can ask someone from relatives. A child should not see negative emotions and to hear the negative remarks towards one of the parents. This is best to seek help from grandma or someone else from the family who is able to paint a toddler the situation from a neutral point of view.
To talk about the divorce should be in neutral tones with a hint of positive shades. That is, it is possible even to tell him that after the divorce, you’ll start a new, completely different life. Be sure to explain to your child the reason and the necessity of divorce. If the child is still very young, explain that everything in life is not forever.
Need to find time not only to explain the situation for the baby, but also on the answers to his questions. As I said, the silence in this situation is not highly relevant. According to this, if the child is not interested in development, doesn’t ask different questions and so on, then you need to take the initiative.
Talk to the child, often raise the topic of divorce, answer all his questions willingly, in high spirits and in great detail.
After you were left alone with the baby and the other parent has already become a bit distant to surround the child’s attention. The period beginning immediately after the divorce, is probably even more complex than the divorce, at least in the eyes of a child.
Take a vacation, spend with the child as much time, dream and make plans for your future life.
Be sure to ensure that the baby is not exposed to negative factors affecting your relationships, while communicating with the other parent.
Ideally, you can arrange joint trips on weekends or invite the other parent to his house. So the child more gently will accept your breakup and realize that and leave without quarrels and scandals, and then stay friends.
If opportunities for joint pastime not, ask the kid what they were doing. Regularly but unobtrusively asking the child, you systematically train him to tell you everything that happens during your absence.
Children may react differently to a divorce. So often the girls are locked and hide their emotions deep within the soul, which leads to the formation of various complexes of inferiority. Energetic children, after experiencing such stress, may become passive, passive — active, sad, funny, and happy sad.
No matter what changes occur in the external behavior of the child, it is important that it signals that it’s time to take some action. Changing external behavior, the child thus expresses outrage. He may himself without realizing it, on the background of emotional outbursts, to radically change the external behavior.
As a result of these changes, if you do not take appropriate measures in time, the child will be much harder to build their family relationships, both with your spouse and with your children. In addition, the baby may not show and what his attitude toward you has changed.
Not childish mistakes
Often children who have experienced parental divorce, entering into adulthood, trying to pull away from them. Children try as soon as possible become self-sufficient. It seems to be not bad, but everything has its time and place.
In adolescence, the child usually cannot make an informed choice of profession, needs help in creating family foundations and so on. But in the desire to become independent from their parents as early as possible, he ceases to pay attention to the advice of their parents, and sometimes even can do against them.
This is justified by the fact that parents, his misconduct during the divorce, lose the trust of the children. Here is a good example of wrong behaviour of the parents and of his perception of the baby.
Mom to convict his father of treason filed for divorce. In a fit of anger she begins to tell the child that daddy you bastard, start a family with someone else’s aunt, and so on. The kid can’t understand such a drastic change of feelings mom against dad, even despite the fact that he understands a mother insults.
The child sees everything that happens with his position, which looks like this. “Mommy doesn’t love daddy? And my dad doesn’t like me? Yes mom, too? Why they even started a life together? And maybe I won’t always be to love them?” And many other questions arise in children’s heads, on the ground of vagueness of the situation.
The result of the self-esteem of the baby is reduced, he may feel guilty, there are various complexes, the bad attitude of the parents.
In order to avoid such developments, be attentive to your children. Take care of them, especially in such a difficult period of life.