Relations between parents and children.
Fathers and sons – a problem that exists since the creation of man by God. After all, the Lord spoke to Adam not to eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge, and he disobeyed, for which he was punished and banished forever to the ground. Since then, humanity as a whole and each family individually trying to somehow solve this problem for themselves. Each older generation sadness and anger, in their times, everything was different, there was no concept of morality, and the youth of today has sunk into lawlessness and the approaching end of the world. And so for the past few millennia. However, the world is still there, parents are still the wrath and sigh, and the children are still snapping and still do on its own. And now the former children become parents, and repeated almost word for word all the things that they had heard from their parents.
Perhaps, in traditional families, this problem is less acute, the entire way and the schedule is painted and he followed on from generation to generation. However, there are some pitfalls. For example, if the children have grown up in Orthodox families, even families of priests were often very far from obedience, understanding and humility, to say nothing of the people who were brought up in an atmosphere of European culture and democracy. In European countries, and America has a tradition of separating children from their families and sent them to an independent life once they reach 18-20 years of age, but even there the children svoepravo advocate for self-determination. In our country very often due to financial difficulties the kids just have to live with their parents bear their children and parents at the same time continue to help them financially. On the one hand, this may seem convenient, but it is questionable whether the convenience of rights and opportunities to live their lives and build their relationship? Then what about the right to freedom of choice is all about?
Much of this problem could be due, and social roles, and rules of conduct prescribed in some age. Experiments were conducted when the parents and children for some time to change roles. So, 40-50-year-old “children” began to swing right and juvenile “parents” of his life trying to teach overage “children.”
Everyone decides for himself the problem of fathers and children by himself. Someone straetsya be for your child’s friend around: trying to listen to the same music, the same dress, actively interested in all the details of meeting his child. Someone – on the contrary: trying to crush the power of his age and the authority to dictate with whom to be friends, where and with whom to go, what to do Institute. And someone lets it go, and your child’s life straetsya not interfere. Probably there is no universal recommendations for all. Moreover, the problem is deeper than it seems at first glance. It is well known that in order to grow up, a child needs to live the process of separating from their parents. Not separated from his family, the child is likely to remain forever a child, not only for their parents, but in life in general. So maybe the problem of fathers and children – is not just a problem, but also a useful tool in the formation of self-identity?
Marietta Tsigal-Polishchuk, theater and film actress, the daughter of actress Lyubov Polishchuk and artist Sergei Tsigal, theater and film actress:
Why is it sometimes happens that parents and children do not understand each other, and sometimes even become enemies? I think the main reason is that parents treat their children as their property. They do not consider the child’s individual personality, and forced to be his clone do as they see fit.
Of course, there are different periods. I personally have not always been on good terms with his parents. There was a time when I was a very serious kid: offended them, lied a lot, we quarreled a lot. Nevertheless, I always felt their unconditional love. I knew that they love me just like that with all my shortcomings. They scolded me, and shame, but it was for love. It turned out that on the one hand, they did create some boundaries of behavior was not allowed to do whatever they want, but on the other hand, I feel free and secure, because I knew that parents love me and will always love that It would have happened to me.
Remembering myself a little, I realize that all the stupidity that I was doing all the wrongs that I have inflicted their mother, I did unintentionally. I even remember that all the time, wrote a letter to Pope, the mother: “Dear Mama, dear Daddy, I’m sorry, I did not on purpose.” This is very important: the children do not do evil on purpose. They do bad things inexperience, ignorance. Therefore, the task of adults is, I think, to show the child where good and where evil, where truth and falsehood. That is why the punishment is so often unproductive. The child simply does not understand why he was being punished because he does all the same “not specifically”. Over time, if the parents are patient, the child is required to understand “what is good and what is bad.”
Yet it is very important for parents to respect their child. Despite the fact that my mother did not approve of my choice to become an actress, she did not insist on anything and nothing is prohibited. I think that the more parents forbid, the worse the results. That’s my whole life Do not smoke, I smoke. On the other hand, to allow all too bad. Connivance – it is not love. It is important not to block or allow, and to clarify, to explain.
I remember a story that was for me and my parents a very important moment in our relations. Once, when they were on vacation, I broke my car. Repair cost 2 thousand dollars for huge money at the time. I did not call parents to cry, ask for forgiveness, and got a job in a restaurant as a waitress to earn a repair. When they returned, I have amassed a considerable part of the money. Of course, they groaned and gasped, tried to dissuade me from continuing this work, but I saw that it was very pleased to know that I did not shift the problem to them, but “razrulit” the situation itself. And I knew that had to do myself, because I felt that parents trust me, and I could not destroy this trust.
I think that in the relations between parents and children, everything is interconnected. If parents trust, and the kids want to justify their trust; if the parents of children all the time something is suspected, do not believe them, even the children behave accordingly.
For that I am grateful to my father and mother? Firstly, for the love with which they surrounded me. And secondly, for being spared their forces to train me to the fact that they themselves are considered important to the books, museums. For example, I did not like as a child to read. So, my parents literally forced. They also forced me to go to museums. Time passed, and from art, I began to receive enormous pleasure. Very grateful to my parents for the fact that I now have the opportunity to feel this joy.
The main condition for mutual understanding between parents and children, I think the possibility of the child to feel the support of their parents and know that they will certainly take it regardless of whether it behaves good or bad that his parents just love the way it is. The point here is not about the permissiveness – just the opposite. While the child is small, greater freedom of choice and action disorient him. Therefore, little children so necessary mode, schedule, t. E. The adult set borders and frames, in which he feels protected. Sometimes there are young mothers who believe that children should be granted complete freedom. But in the end, a simple sentence the child to do what he wants, he gives him trouble and loud crying. He just does not know what he done with that freedom. So – best if mom will prompt the kid, now is better to go for a walk, come back, eat, and then read a book.
In this case, how would the child understands that the world is stable, its regularity and yet it has a fulcrum. Later, when the child will be able to cope with some degree of uncertainty, it is necessary to give him the opportunity to make the decision himself, from simple things, such as which socks to wear, to the more complex: with whom to be friends and how to build their lives. The best motto is education, which I’ve heard – “Please accept my children as much as possible and closer … and release them,” Do not throw and release. Give your child the opportunity to make mistakes and learn from them, to acquire their own experience, but be behind him, so that if necessary, he could come back to ask for advice, support and to show you my love.