Mother-Daughter – relations psychology
Girlfriend or rival — the relationship of mother and daughter are constructed, at times, not only on love, but on mutual grievances. But this does not mean that the situation cannot be changed. Explain how to do it.
Main in this process, of course, is mother. It depends on how her child, as an adult, will interact with people. “the Fact that the child is born with a clean sheet is greatly exaggerated, — said the eve of Ephraim . instructor of technology theta healing, transformational coach (ICBT), transformational coach (EI). —Many our patterns of behavior laid down at the level of instincts. Moreover, children come into the family at a specific time and a specific purpose. Sometimes they help the mother solve her problems, help her or something to teach. Wanting to understand the relationship, you need to go back to the moment of conception the baby”.
We offer you to explore several types of relations of mother and daughter. Perhaps in one of them you will find out your option and following our tips will be able to harmonize it.
These relationships are filled with positive — mother and daughter are extremely close emotionally. Communicating with each other on equal terms, they can do a lot to each other to trust and discuss everything. “If you go back to the period of conception, daughters and girlfriends are born to those women who want to attract into your life ally, — said the eve of Ephraim. — for Example, a child is born to strengthen the family. In this case, the daughter will grow by a lawyer moms: we love and protect our friends even when they are not quite right”.
But this seemingly perfect format of interaction has its disadvantages. “the Mother in this case is difficult to secure daughter protection, and discipline, ” says Anna Zarembo, psychotherapist. — She can’t deny her anything without the risk of losing the best friend status. And these boundaries the girl needs and in childhood, and in adolescence”. Adult daughter also need to rely on the experiences of his mother, which is especially important during major life change. For example, when she becomes a parent, she wants his mom became her experienced consultant, not a friend. Grown-up daughter will be difficult to achieve maternal maturity, because such an example before her eyes was not. Especially hard it is necessary to those who did not have the counterbalance of such equality in the image of the father or grandmother.
Another problem of the relationship — excessive frankness. “it is Always important to be aware of the generation gap, — said the Hope Morocco, Gestalt Counsellor, psychologist. — the Daughter should not be the figure that is constantly comforting the mother, knows all the details of her personal life”.
What to do? Respect your true role, act in accordance with them. Normally, when the daughter tells the mother about their problems with a young man. But if the mother is too outspoken and dedicates her child into the details of her life with her husband, it undermines the relationship of daughter and father.
Mother and daughter — two kindred spirits. “Such is the relationship in the event that if at the time of conception expectant mother is experiencing a shortage of personal support”, ” says Eva Ephraim. The love between a mother and daughter in this case is obvious, they understand each other perfectly, despite the age difference.
Other side of the coin — competition in its various manifestations: for the attention of men, in particular the father of the family, for achievements, for the manifestation of skills. «Summary: throughout the life of the daughter receives from her mom’s support, care, — Hope supplements Morocco. — Instead, she is forced to constantly evaluate their behaviour. The girl who grew up in a situation of constant comparison, probably not going to have inner confidence. She will need to prove that she is better than someone else”.
What to do? Soften any competitive feelings. And mother and daughter, it is important to find the areas in which they are trying to compete, and to render to them all possible support to each other. “Mother, you should honestly ask yourself the question whether self-assertion by a daughter — best option – Hope supplements Morocco. — in fact, if the daughter does the same thing, then copies the behavior of the parent”.
In this case, unite mother and daughter is that genes. In the rest of their relationship is like a battlefield, conflicts arise on any occasion. In many cases, a mother driven by good motives — the desire to do everything to her children it was easier to survive in this world. Following this, she tries to mold their child in a particular sample. If the daughter doesn’t meet expectations, they start nitpicking from the mother, the child’s reaction in this case — protection. Psychologists say: the opposition to women is more likely to occur if the child’s birth was the desire of men. In this case, the daughter will be to support the father.
What to do? Try to see each other real and mark the boundaries in the relationship, select not allowed to discuss the topic.
«Advise women in such relations more to do with their life and development, — said the eve of Ephraim. — If the person stands still, life itself creates situations that encourage its growth. Say, motivating it with those closest to you”.
– Swapped roles
Often the mother and daughter switch roles. Sometimes this type of relationship develops from early childhood, when a woman because of their immaturity puts all the responsibility on the kid. «This deprives the girl of the protection provided by caring, truly adult mother, — explains Anna Zarembo. — In these respects it was the mother turns to her daughter for help and support, not Vice versa. Growing up, girls like that are sometimes imbued with contempt and hostility to her mother, realizing that something was lost”.
However, the role reversal can occur completely naturally, due to the deterioration of the health of the mother, because of her age and so This situation becomes more uncomfortable for the more Mature woman who used to care about others, but by the will of circumstances feels helpless.
What to do? In the first case, if possible divide the care of the mother with her other close people. So you eliminate fatigue from the responsibility entrusted to daughter since childhood. In the second case, it is important that the mother continued to feel important — maintain important traditions and values, ask for advice, etc.
Part of the whole
In such a relationship, daughter and step cannot step without assessment of the mother, continuing to nurture the grown “chick”. “this combination, the mother takes their parental roles as the only in my life, — explains Anna Zarembo. —. — the merging of mother and child, which she felt immediately after birth of the baby. It does not take natural distancing daughter”. This occurs when a woman is dissatisfied with her life, giving birth only to live it over again with him. Fraught with this is the fact that, growing up, the daughter will suffer from lack of independence and distrust of the world.
What to do? To recognize that the process of separation is inevitable, and make it smooth. Daughters must learn to speak the mother “no” and to limit its interference in their lives. And it would be nice to pass one another, if you still live together.
“Mothers are not always able to influence the choice of their child, his behavior, — complements the eve of Ephraim. – The best thing they can do — apply to change their behavior, communication style with her daughter. Practice shows that this leads to improved relationships. Be sure to work out their pain points. This will allow you to more calmly accept the established order of things, get rid of the desire to make himself or daughter of the victim”.